"You Can't Spell Break-Up Without Break."

Okay guys... Truth time.

I've been struggling with some personal issues. Logan. We are on a break. Out of the blue I know. It kind of was for me too. I just woke up yesterday and realized, I don't think I love him anymore. I mean I still love him as a person, but I'm not in love with him. I think. I dunno. Just so much in my life is in shambles. My job, my schooling, my career, my family. I dunno. Logan just is the easiest to let go.

He just always would make little comments, and I know to him they were innocent but they really hurt me. Maybe I should have said something to him but I dunno if he would have stopped. The other night he went out with Matt and I danced at the club and they were going to meet me later. I felt better in that two hours alone than I did with him. My selfesteem was way up.

Also at his place its like I share a small bedroom with him and a house with his family. I don't have a place I can go and just turn my music up and think. I know I had it good there, no rent, or food, or bills, but I just had to get out to think for a bit.

I told Logan it's a break. But I have a feeling it could be a break up.

I feel bad though, Logan's friends say he is a mess. Apparently in class he just stares at the floor, and he tears up alot. I feel kinda bad because I called into the radio station to make a comment and he randomly had that station on and heard me and apparently upset him more.

I told him we will talk. And we will. When I am ready.

I don't know what to do. He texts me and he apologizes for everything he's ever done wrong. But he just doesn't get it. I don't even know if I do. What do I do guys?

This guy is so important to me but I don't know where he fits anymore?

<3 Aiden

Time For A Quick One...

Hey guys sorry it has been over a week. We've had some issues at home. Logan gets really bad migraines and is showing the same symptoms his Grandmother showed before she had brain clotting and passed. So we've been doing the R&R thing and need to get him to the doctor next week for a CatScan and all that jazz. (Not to mention and ENT for his jacked up vocal cords.)

And on the weekends I've been hitting the club scene hardcore. I know I should take the five minutes to update. Lots to talk about. I may have to hold out on some of it for later.

I've spent ALOT of time at the Wyler house hanging out with the guys as Logan does his sleep alot thing at home. We are working on getting me a contracted job come January so I can do some porn again. I guess it hasn't been that long but a month and a half feels like it has been forever!

I am still without a power cord that is why the updates are far and few between. Not exactly wanting. Www.AidenAsh.com to be one of the family computers most visited sites!

Okay, if I don't update tonight I promise I'll give you a REAL update tomorrow.

<3 Aiden

Things are of the strange sorts.

So I'd like to start off by saying this whole not having a lap top and having to use the family computer is for the birds. I much prefer being able to pound these things out in my little hole at the top of the stairs, it makes it more private and they are not rushed!

Britney was amazing! They were not third row tickets... They were VIP "In The Zone" (Basically six feet from the stage.) The whole show was a spectacle. Circus acts, Magic Acts, Singing, Hot men in leather. I think the show was more designed for our people than anyone. Lots of hottie grinding on each other, hell I think it was required in their contracts to present their bulge to the audience at least twice per show! And it was homo city in our little VIP section. Everything from twinkies, to oldies, to thugs, yes their were two thug gay boys! (One of which had three tear drops on his face. Intimidating!) Overall the concert was amazing, we lost our voices and days later our ears are still ringing.

There was one thing that bothered me at the concert though. A christian group was standing out front with signs "Gays go to hell." "Homosexuality is a sin." "Marriage is one man and one woman." I mean it is whatever really, those things are so common place at any event homosexuals gather at in Houston but what really bugged me was that a little boy who couldn't be more then ten or eleven was holding one of the signs... I mean let the boy make up his own mind if he wants to go down the bigot path or not. So we and by we I mean our friend Matt did the only thing one could have done in that situation. Asked to take a picture holding their signs! (Which I'll post soon. Along with the rest of the decent concert pictures. We aren't sure where the connector cable is. Lack of the proper cords is kind of common place in our life these days.)

So I love my new job. It is fantastic. I'm teaching small kids at a @*#(!)$@, a job Mason and Marcus' roomie got me. So it is fantastic because they like me because they like me because I am little and I love hanging out with them. (Do you think their parents would flip out if they knew their their teacher did porn?) Speaking of porn I haven't heard back from the guy about that possible opportunity, so Logan and I are gonna find some cute guys and take some sex shots for Dudes Nude and the blog and start the tiresome process of submitting myself to multiple companies looking for work. It is a really discouraging process because there are no "No Thanks" or "We are interested but..." in this biz. So, a lot of times you don't know if you got something until weeks later. But unlike the boys at Unzipped suggested a few months back, I'm not just a blogger, I'm just struggling to find work. (I was watching porn from the 70's and realized I have a 70s porn body, somewhere along the line we went from slim muscles to a jock dominated industry. But that is a blog for another time.)

And finally I am in love with a go-go boy from JRs and South Beach. He was very talkative to our group before and after his gig. Like after he got dressed he came out and just sat and talked to us. (So would it have been weird to see if he wanted to get a bite to eat with the group? There were like 6 of us. Let me know.)

<3 Aiden

A Few Things....

1.) THIRD ROW BRITNEY TONIGHT! I AM SO EXICTED! I will get to visit R.J. Danver's "Britney Land" he kept talking about when he saw it! We are gonna go early and try to get "Get in the Zone!"

2.) I got a job! Mason And Marcus Wyler's Roommate got me a job! It's a fun gig! They basically told me to get to work after my interview! So I'm really excited I don't have to go back into the food industry!

3.) I'm not updating as much until we (Logan and I) buy new power cords for our Mac Powerbooks. (I am on the family PC. Does anyone know how to delete Safari's history files?)

4.) Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 is AMAZING! Fan boys, GET IT!

5.) I have some real posts in me and will do my best to get them up tomorrow. And Logan wrote a paper on gay men and Super Heroes that I'd love to post if I can persuade him!

Alright Boys! I promise to be back soon....

<3 Aiden

BRITNEY!!!!!!

The Morning After

So last night at South Beach they were doing a tribute to Britney Spears. All Britney songs and videos all night. The highlight of my night though was Derrick Barry a Britney impersonator who was on America's Got Talent and he IS Britney it was phenomenal. Well we went out with Matt and a bunch of our crew and there was a drawing to win Third Row tickets to THE CIRCUS on Wednesday. Matt's friend won! So jealous! So jealous! But once we (Logan and I) got over being bitter we were so excited for her. So then, (keep in mind we just had met this girl tonight) she makes the offer to Logan, that if we just buy her two tickets to anywhere in the arena she will trade us for her third row tickets since she knows we wanted to go so bad and she just wants to see it. Her kindness is jaw dropping! My year was made last night! So, there is a 90% chance we will be doing this trade! (If she changes her mind I won't hold it against her, but I certainly will be a tad bit disappointed!)

So the night was fantastic... Lots of dancing and merriment being made and I am debating if I should forgive my friends Mason and Marcus Wyler for being like in the next building over and not texting me to say hi! For real bitches if you wanna have dinner parties you better tell your buddy Aiden hello! (I am just giving them a hard time, I love those boys!)But over all I am really excited about Wednesday! Anyone else going to the Houston show? Let me know guys!

As far as the job search is going... I had an interview with Buckle on Thursday and I will be getting an e-mail either tomorrow or Tuesday to see if I have employed or not. It'd be a fantastic week if I do get a job and to the see concert! Also this week I am hitting the gym really hard and am gonna take some photographs to send out to porn agencies. I seriously can't remember the last time I applied anywhere. I relied on other people to get me work and that sticks me in the boat I am in now. I think I'm gonna try something that may advance my Adult career, or it could set it back. But at the rate things trickle one or two every few months I don't think it would really change much in my life!

And I'd like to address a comment that was approved in my previous excited entry and I don't mean to be bitchy, but Anon, I do love you coming to my page to see me and what's up in my life and if all you are here for is to see me naked, that is totally great with me and you can find all those photos if you click on the link Photo Sets below. But that does kinda kick me into gear I need to be out there taking some sex photos for the blog!

Aight Guys I Got A Ton Of Stuff To Do Today!
<3 Aiden

99% PERCENT CHANGE I WILL HAVE THIRD ROW BRITNEY SPEARS TICKETS!




that is all!!!!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Not What It Was Supposed To Be

Okay guys, so Logan broke my power cord... Logan broke his power cord... We have no power cords. I have no job. (Fingers crossed for Buckle.) So it could be a few days between blogs, or I will just hijack the Wyler's laptop when I am over there. (I think there is supposed to be a dinner party at some point this weekend.) So what an amazing week is it going to be? Britney Spears party at South Beach (The Dance Club), Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, Great Marvel Comics lineup, Wolverine Origins on DVD, and THE BRITNEY SPEARS CIRCUS TOUR is back in town!!! There was a lot more to this post about some drama that keeps surfacing... But I am not gonna post about it I have decided. But it was therapeutic to get it all out. I'll just draft it for I guess.

I'd blog more but I spent an hour and a half on the hidden blog so I may post more later. I may not. I'm just drained.

Love you guys.

Aiden

Just A Little Case Of Death...

Hey guys... So the last few days I've been busy... Dying in bed. I looked and sounded like a Chipmunk. The I'm not afraid of germs Logan locked me in the bedroom and threw a bunch of rented DVD movies at me. I guess I can't blame him too much for sleeping across the house and burning the holy cross in the threshold of the bedroom. But I am 85% better and visited the Wyler's new home and had my third interview, I am pretty sure I got it!

I also got a call today about a possible gig soon... But I am not gonna count my chickens before they are hatched. Cliche I know...

Okay... Okay... Stuff... Stuff...

I really have enjoyed the conversations going on in the comments. And don't worry about Logan's feelings, he approved most of those comments not me!

But I will be back for real real tomorrow! Hopefully I'll be 100% tomorrow

<3 Aiden

"I know where I've been..."

It's been a trying week for me. Between the looking for jobs, the drugs, and the Wylers I've been pretty mentally exhausted. So let's get this thing started.
I make no secret of the fact that I live with Logan and his family, you can laugh if you want but it is really a great arrangement and I really enjoy living with my foster family. There really are not real rules except we have to do dishes and clean up once in a while. It is like renting a room I don't have to pay for. (Or if you ask Logan, one I don't have to clean.) But anyone who knows me would know that Logan's family is more like my first family now, since my other family seems to think I'm the anti christ because of who I like to share a bed with. So this week Logan's 15 year old brother who we already knew was a pot head, leaves his door wide open with his bong and a tin of "altoids" laying out in plain view. So Logan goes in and takes it out, but sees he's MySpace is open and since we are asked to do weekly inspections of the kids room he looks at this e-mails and finds out the kid is in a mountain of trouble. Everything from who the kid is banging to who he gets his drugs from. Now, I'm not gonna tell you if its wrong or right to smoke pot, if you do that is your business, if you don't that is your business. The reason this is such an issue is A.) There is a zero tolerance policy for anything illegal in this house. B.) The kid is into alot more then pot. (Acid, Cocaine, and other nasties. Forgive me if those nasties are your pleasures, they're just not mine.) C.) He is repeating his freshman year of high school because he didn't pass because he skipped so much to go do these fun little drugs or would get high in school and would sit the whole day in DMC. So that was a huge issue around here this week. Oh, and last night Logan's Mom gets her camera back from the 15 year old and it turns out the idiot took photos of him and all his 15 year old friends with bongs and getting high on her camera and forgot to delete them! This kid is on the fast track to success I think!

The job search. Logan has forced me to ride with him every where he goes and drives through every strip center we come to and makes me run inside for applications. (Unfortunately most places are now doing online applications, which is frustrating because I am prettier in person than I am on paper.) So I have been going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, to places. I had three interviews that went no where. Hell, one even mailed me a letter of regret. I would have much rather been told no on the phone when I called then to get the perfumed postcard that told me with roses and smiles that they were "Impressed by my talent and what I have to offer, but (they) just can't use it at this time." Fuck you, you're a story for fat ladies anyway. (Forgiveness asked from all the fat ladies.) But those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that I had two job interviews from the same company. It isn't the most glamorous job in the world but it'll do for now. Okay... Here it goes... I have my third interview for a restaurant called STRAIGHTS. I'm not even joking. Logan's family will not stop hassling me about this. Come on everyone get your gay jokes out of your system. I'll wait...



You done?



How about now?


Okay, so anywho, I have my third interview and it is in a really upscale area so it should be good money.

But Aiden what about porn you ask? Well, I am still doing porn! I just have not been able to be as active as I'd like because a few things. I have to have a steady income or they are gonna take Iron Lad (My car) away from me! And I can't drive Iron Lad if I am not insured! (Does anyone know where the name Iron Lad comes from?) And I would have not had to get rush to get a job if the person who was acting as my agent had not just abandoned me. Supposedly I was supposed to have a shoot the last weekend of August. Well, after no e-mail contact back to me or not calling back after I called him probably 20 times I figured the shoot, (My bills for September) were not gonna happen and I had to go out on the job search. I know... I know... Everyone has to get a job but that just makes it harder for me to do porn work. (And no I will not name any names in this scenario, I will just learn from it and not do anything with this company again. It has almost been a month and since I last heard from them.) But never fear, I have plenty of work out there that is still going to be posted. I am going to take this down time to work on my body and put things first that I had put on the back burner. I guess I really never took this whole recession thing into consideration for real real... I live in Houston and our economy is booming down here. The only real effects we can see are things done from companies with their national headquarters are somewhere other than here. So long story short --- Yes I want to still do porn. But I gotta put my "survival" first.

And now the big one... We went to a house party last night. It was good times. All of our local crew getting together for some Drinking, Rock Band, and Steak And Shake. But this guy was there Tyler and he was invited by Logan. He has known Logan longer then I have and I know Logan used to have some serious crushage on him. So last night they spent most of the night drunk and alone together out on the patio while we were inside playing drinking games. I'm really not trying to be the jealous paranoid woman, (Forgiveness asked from all jealous paranoid women) but I dunno what was so interesting outside that wouldn't have been just as interesting inside. Then after we got home at 4:30 am, Logan was continuing to text Tyler till well past I went to sleep. I asked Logan what on Earth could be so interesting that late in the early morning. He said they were continuing their discussion on Christian Salvation and Homosexuals... What's your take on this guys?

And finally The Wylers... Well, I'm not always a Wyler boy. Sometimes I'm in the club sometimes I am not. Right now they are in the middle of a big move, (They chose to move closer to me so I can see them more!) so WylerNation will be up and running soon I think. If not I can try to keep you updated on what's going on with them but I can't tell you everything since it's not my place to be the town gossip. But if you ask me... I think... Nah, nevermind. ;)

<3 Aiden

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