Secret lives, we all have them. You are not the same at work as you are at home. You are not the same at church as you are at the bar. You are not the same when you're shopping at the mall. We all live lives with multiple roles. An extreme example of this would come from Marvel Comics where a character known as Carol Danvers. She is most commonly known as Ms.Marvel, she is constantly evolving and changing costumes to fit her current era or situation. Sometimes she is Carol, a down on herself ex-airforce officer, other times Ms.Marvel former leader of the Mighty Avengers, or when she loses control she is Binary, her sort of spazzed out self. But in the end she is still Carol Danvers. This leads me to my next point, secret identities...
We all have them at some point in our lives... You may say you don't but think about it you do... Are you really HUNGSTUD69 or LOVESDISNEY@YAHOO.COM (don't email it I'm sure it belongs to someone.) Some people have more prolific secret identities... Steve Rogers is Captain America... (Well before... actually I'll get to that later.)
Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
Carol Danvers is Ms.Marvel.
Jennifer Walters is She-Hulk.
Mason Wyler is - - - He's kill me for telling you!
I bring up Mason to illustrate that as adult models we have to have secret identities ourselves. Of course I'm not Aiden Ash! My name isn't as sexy as that! But I can't tell you what my name really is, I mean sure I'm sure YOU'RE a nice guy but what about that guy who sends me 15 emails a day asking for my underwear do I really want him knowing my name or how to track me down? For example.. I have given my cellular phone number out to a few people who I talk to Via AIM on my AIDENASH screen name, those numbers now pop up as "Creeper Do Not Answer" when they call... at three am, five or six times in a row. For real man, if I don't answer in over a month, I'm not interested in talking. Lets go over some extreme examples of why we don't like our identities to be made public, I turn again to Marvel Comics:
Captain America was forced to register as Steve Rogers and a fugitive from the law, when he turned himself in:
Peter Parker Unmasked himself to do what was "right" in the eyes of Iron Man:
Now I'm not saying that I expect any acts of violence against myself or my family but I don't like when guys come up to me at the club or when I'm on a date with Logan in the gay part of town and talk my ear off. I don't mind fans, in fact I love fans, but poor Logan just sits there and counts ceiling tiles! More so porn stars are worried about people knowing who we are because as a gay film star I have the advantage that most of the world won't know who I am. Hell, I tell people I'm hanging out with Mason Wyler and they always ask me who.... We live in a society where its not acceptable to be a porn star. (But why, when I know most of the people who shun porn stars watch it!) It could hinder career advancements, my already on edge parents would flip, and for real most people would look it up! I don't want Logan's mom seeing my asshole! That could make for some really awkward Sunday dinners!
Why is this suddenly a relevant topic? Well, last week I had a really weak moment and almost did something that could have forever harmed my relationship with Logan because my best friend... possibly former best friend caught me in a moment of weakness and thus decided to encourage me to move to Dallas or go into hiding away from Logan. (Sound dramatic? Well it was, but I believe Logan and I will be stronger now for it.) But that is not what this is about. I recently got a text message from a former professor who I absolutely adore asking me about my current career. The best friend goes to her and is talking and slips in the fact he and I are on the outs, and mentions I do porn. (This is a baptist school keep in mind.) He then tells her "OH, I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY KNEW." Yes... I go around telling everyone I do porn, just like he tells everyone he and his boyfriend have sex in animal costumes. (Hey, its okay to blog about, I think everyone already knows.)
While this isn't completely devastating it is annoying that someone betrayed my trust and who knows how far the ball will roll now. (But I left the school so it shouldn't be too bad.) Though I do know that there are going to be times in my life when people do find out I do porn for a living and as Logan and I talked about before my first shoot with Boy Crush there will be a price to pay one day possibly. I guess this is my first lesson in what the cost of secret identity can be.
Okay, on a different note, I may be going to the Gay A V N awards in March, where my DVD Popping His Cherry is up for best twink film! It's pretty awesome that my first film is up for an award! You should buy a copy or two, give them to your friends. (Hell give a copy to me so I can see it!) I may be going with Mason and Marcus Wyler which will be great exposure and great to meet industry people. I don't think Logan will be able to go with me which could be weird, but I'm sure he'll deal. If not I'll leave him a bottle of his favorite Midori and he can drink himself into a coma... Or just work on his book! (Finish that book Logan!!!)
My BoyFun Photoset is up! I'm not a member so I can't see it but I can see the freebies on the page. I'll have all of those up tomorrow for you to see!
Sorry It's been so long. Love you guys!
Aiden
3 comments:
Yes you are good enough to have a secret identity! :P
I actually got noticed as Aiden at a club the other day! It was weird but cool!
This is a great meditation on the whole idea of a secret identity.
Beyond just the porn thing, I think we gay guys can really relate to the notion of a secret identity since we're all familiar with the sometimes necessary act of concealing our true selves or leading a double life.
Of course, I'm very lucky to live in the San Francisco Bay Area (I moved here from Texas about ten years ago! Dallas to be exact) so all my friends are very cool and I never feel like I have to hide or pretend or anything. But I still know how that goes.
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