Okay guys... Truth time.
I've been struggling with some personal issues. Logan. We are on a break. Out of the blue I know. It kind of was for me too. I just woke up yesterday and realized, I don't think I love him anymore. I mean I still love him as a person, but I'm not in love with him. I think. I dunno. Just so much in my life is in shambles. My job, my schooling, my career, my family. I dunno. Logan just is the easiest to let go.
He just always would make little comments, and I know to him they were innocent but they really hurt me. Maybe I should have said something to him but I dunno if he would have stopped. The other night he went out with Matt and I danced at the club and they were going to meet me later. I felt better in that two hours alone than I did with him. My selfesteem was way up.
Also at his place its like I share a small bedroom with him and a house with his family. I don't have a place I can go and just turn my music up and think. I know I had it good there, no rent, or food, or bills, but I just had to get out to think for a bit.
I told Logan it's a break. But I have a feeling it could be a break up.
I feel bad though, Logan's friends say he is a mess. Apparently in class he just stares at the floor, and he tears up alot. I feel kinda bad because I called into the radio station to make a comment and he randomly had that station on and heard me and apparently upset him more.
I told him we will talk. And we will. When I am ready.
I don't know what to do. He texts me and he apologizes for everything he's ever done wrong. But he just doesn't get it. I don't even know if I do. What do I do guys?
This guy is so important to me but I don't know where he fits anymore?
<3 Aiden
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15 comments:
Oh Aiden, I am so sorry. I certainly hope my comments from a few weeks ago was not the impotance for this. I assume this has been in the works for a while. I just wanted you to think about what else is out there.
I will stick to my guns and say this is a good move for you. You need to test the waters. And a few months from now you will either go running back to him knowing he is perfect for you or you will be very happy with someone else and you will have forgotten all about him.
Breaking up is so hard and I know Logan is your first bf. When I dumped my first guy, we had dated for about 4 months. He called and sent me texts for 3 months after that. It is going to be tough for you, but I think you know you are making the right decision.
Stay Strong, sir!
I'll call you- we should talk
Boy, this is nobody's business but yours, and there's so much we don't know. Still, Aiden, think carefully about this. He seems like such a sweet and understanding guy and it always felt as if you had stability together.. that's more important in the long run that excitement, I think. And who among us has never needed a second chance? Oh well, just my thoughts. Good luck to you both, be kind to each other, whatever happens.
Any advice I give would be wrong because I know neither of you well. Talk to him. Be honest and see where things take you both.
My best to you both.
Every relationship has its high times and low times. This is definitely a low time for both of you. But I believe that you both will come out of this if you both are willing to communicate and work with one another. The biggest problem with any relationship in our society today is that people are not willing to work on their relationships. Good things don't come at the casual snap of one's fingers. We work for our happiness, we strive for what makes us smile and feel comfortable. Don't give up on each other. I hope you guys see this through and look back to these days as painful memory to simply laugh about.
This is for Logan...
Dude, it might hurt now. Forget that, it will hurt now. Being told that someone doesn't love you anymore is always going to be one of the most painful experiences in life. However, like everything, this too shall pass. It may be a cliche, but time heals all.
I think, I hope, that you'll be able to see this for what it is...the best thing for you. You'll find who you are truly meant to be with, and I just don't think that someone is Aiden.
I really am sorry to hear about this. Matters of the heart are never easy to resolve by logic alone. Do what you need to do to be happy and try to be easy on Logan too. Maybe if you get your own place and your situation and perspective change, you may get back together. That is provided of course that Logan has not found someone else in the meantime. May you both find happiness...
Aiden - I don't know you personally, but you seem like a great person. You don't need hurt. There are bigger and better things out there. I think you need a break from H-town. Get out in the country and find yourself. You'll come back refreshed.
Hang in there. Like I said you don't know me, but if you ever need some advice from a old timer (is 50 really THAT old?) just holler. I'm a MySpace friend. I've been through it all ... trust me.
mike
Sorry, I just accidentally left this comment on the wrong post (when I was re-reading the comment thread on "I know where I've been..."). I meant to leave it here:
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That's the thing with feelings - you control them in as much as you can suppress them and make bad feelings go away but you can't summon up feelings out of nowhere. If the feeling of being in love has gone then it's gone.
I think you're doing the right thing in spending some time apart and living somewhere else because if you're depending on him for accommodation that's too much pressure if you're trying to rekindle a feeling. If you're independent and have space to think then that's far better to figure this out.
Someone said on Mason Wyler's blog that breaking up is like removing a splinter. It hurts at the time but then you feel much better after.
I also think that Tony was perceptive a few weeks ago when he said Logan makes fun of you at times because I never picked up on that at all.
It's interesting how this parallel between your relationship and the Wylers' relationship is continuing.
I still say you going out with Mason, and Logan going out with Marcus would be better matches all round.
Are you and Mason too much power-bottoms for that to happen? (Unless you threw a double-headed dildo into the equation?) Or are you such good friends it would just be weird?
Don't feel too bad about your emotions. That tends to be how it works with me. I love someone to pieces and then walk up one morning and think 'Wow...it's no longer there.'
Logan was your first and has done a lot for you. But that doesn't mean that you have to stay with him forever. Hopefully, the two of you will be able to become friends at some point.
But even that's hard, cuz he'll still love you like a lover and you'll just love him as a friend.
For now, it's only a break. Give yourself some head space and decide what you want in your future. Can Logan be the man that helps you along that journey or impede it?
My random thoughts.
if being a porn star is more important to you than being with someone who truly loves you, then you deserve to be alone.
I'm not sure where you're coming from with that, John. Didn't he say it's because he feels like he's not in love anymore? Feelings can come and go. Maybe with a bit of breathing space it will come back and if not, they can just move on with their lives. It's no disaster.
Girlfriend forget that logan bitch he's ugly as doodies anyway. What you need is to get yourself a cheap studio apartment, an economy size bottle of lube, and a family size box of condoms. Then post an ad on craigslist telling the first 50 replies gets your new address and a chance to log slam a twink star. If you get lucky the guys wont even care about condoms and they could fill that not so tight little hole with cream cheese fillin.
A few weekends of that and you'll be stuggling to remember that fatties name.
You say that out of all the things in your life that are a shamble that a person is "easiest to let go."
I sure hope your reasoning is deeper within you than what this suggests. People in your life are more important and are there so that you can lean on them during trying times... not dump them because it's the easier change to make in life than face some of the scarier things. It's sometimes hard to face the 'hard' changes that need to be done... but that works out better when you have someone who cares about you that you can lean on. Then you get closer.
I say this because I have done that and when you're in the trenches having friends to rely on is the only way to go.
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